<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>there’s a hole in my heart by Anonymous</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24539629">there’s a hole in my heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Just angst, M/M, Things left unsaid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:54:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>897</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24539629</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>These are the words that have come into your mind after four years of longing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>there’s a hole in my heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>un-beta read.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Yeonjun, it’s not working anymore. I-i want to break up.” Soobin says his back not facing you. Both of you are on your shared bed. The smell of sweat and sex permeates the air of your shared bedroom. You look at Soobin’s figure, the curve of his spine and his too pale of a complexion. He looks and feels tired. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>
But you’re Choi Yeonjun, the breaker of hundreds of hearts and the keeper of none and you play it off like some game so you reply with, “What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Soobin then faces you. He looks like he’s about to cry. And you know that it had taken a lot of courage for Soobin to say those words as he has always been the one to not speak about things that hurt. He’s a kind being. Those words are killing him to the very core but you’re certain that it’s wearing you out more. It’s hurting you more and you’d have him spell it out to you and say it in different languages that he knows.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>You laugh it off because Soobin can’t be serious right now. (<em>But you know what’s not working anymore. Him hoping that you still be there in the morning in your shared apartment. Soobin has caught up with your lies and your constant one night stands with other people. Men or women, it doesn’t matter. Him pretending that he doesn’t see you take a second or be apprehensive whenever you touch him, kiss him or hold him. That had stopped it’s effect now.)</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>
Soobin’s mistaken on that last part because he’s all that you’re thinking of 24/7. You want to take him apart, create a space for yourself, under his ribs, your body curling and holding onto his heart <em>(because this is the only way, Soobin’s fragile. You know this.)</em>  At night, when you bury yourself into his entirety, you map the younger’s familiar planes and you taste heaven on his skin. As Soobin writhes in the dark, you think that he’s so beautiful beneath you. All slick, eyes heavy lidded and lips red and puffed up. You’re not  accustomed to having someone consume you whole. You’re scared. Torn from giving into these intense emotions or wanting to push them away. So you bite your tongue to stop saying ‘I love you’ and you close your eyes to find your release. Hours later, when Soobin’s asleep, you say those three words and it had never felt so right. You leave like every other day because you might say something that you’re afraid that you can’t take back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I said that I’m leaving Yeonjun-hyung.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>You do not expect this. You should be the one who’s saying this like all the other times with people whose faces you do not remember. You’re taken aback like someone had slapped you hard, you’re fully awake now. People, people come and go as they please even his family but Soobin should have been the last one to say this. He shouldn’t be like them. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Soobin then leaves the apartment that you and him were supposed to grow old together with. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Those were the last words that he said to you four years ago.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p><br/>
“You haven’t changed a bit, Yeonjun-hyung”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Those are the first words that he says to you after four years of absence and now you’re left wondering if that was a good thing or not. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And these are the words that have come into your mind after four years of longing: <em>You didn’t like the me back then, hated me even so what’s the use of changing? </em><em>I miss you. </em><em>Come back.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>But you won’t say that aloud given this occasion. But you’ve changed, you’re certain of it. You have now forgotten the games that you play with him, because Soobin won and you’ve lost. You have now lost a part of you, a hole that perfectly Soobin’s size. He hunts you every night like a ghost who cannot move on from his own death. His presence still lingers in your apartment and you can’t shake him off no matter how hard you try. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>These are the words you say after four years of his absence. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve changed. A lot”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Soobin’s happier now just like the the time you had accepted his confession one afternoon, behind the gym building. Both of you were in high school, it wasn’t heart fluttering for you. You had just accepted because you just wanted to try and it had turned into 10 years in a blink but Soobin left. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>
You just smile. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’s now  gentle devoid of any grief like the scars you’ve given him have healed all throughout completely. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>You see the ring on his finger glinting in the moonlight. You furrow your brows. He could have been yours. He should have been yours. Soobin notices and says “I stil—“, but Beomgyu cuts him off. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Soobin-hyung! Kai’s looking for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah! Okay. Yeonjun-hyung, I’ll be going in first then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, go” </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>You now look at Soobin’s figure as he walks away from you the second time. You scoff and look onto the sky. <em>It’s too much</em>. You and Soobin have not been touching but your body remembers the ghost of his fingers onto your skin. It lingers just as his scent, clinging on to you. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>You try to shed them off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It doesn’t work just like the other times. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>comments will be greatly appreciated💕</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>